Brett Kavanaugh Unveils Updated Supreme
Court Robe
WASHINGTON, D.C.—Supreme Court
Justice Brett Kavanaugh made a splash in the fashion world Wednesday as he
unveiled a new Kevlar judicial robe made by Atomic Defense. A spokesman
confirmed the new robe was totally unrelated to recent threats made upon the
justice’s life in the wake of an upcoming ruling on abortion rights.
. . .
In addition to a stylish, slimming
look, Kavanaugh’s robe comes with three articulated blast plates, a shockproof
helmet and visor, and a zoned armor system guaranteed to meet or exceed current
zonal fragmentation protection standards.
. . .
In unrelated news, Kavanaugh
confirmed that his family would be moving from their current home in Chevy
Chase, MD to an abandoned underground missile silo somewhere in the Midwest in
order to pursue their family dream of not being murdered in their sleep.
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