Matson cartoon credit: www.truthdig.com
Here are the official
Coronavirus guidelines as seen on Facebook (satire, or is it?):
1. Basically, you can't leave the house for any reason, but
if you have to, then you can.
2. Masks are useless, but maybe you have to wear one, it can
save you, it is useless, but maybe it is mandatory as well.
3. Stores are closed, except those that are open.
4. You should not go to hospitals unless you have to go
there. Same applies to doctors, you should only go there in case of emergency,
provided you are not too sick.
5. This virus is deadly but still not too scary, except that
sometimes it actually leads to a global disaster.
6. Gloves won't help, but they can still help.
7. Everyone needs to stay HOME, but it's important to GO
OUT.
8. There is no shortage of groceries in the supermarket, but
there are many things missing when you go there in the evening, but not in the
morning. Sometimes.
9. The virus has no effect on children except those it
affects.
10. Animals are not affected, but there is still a cat that
tested positive in Belgium in February when no one had been tested, plus a few
tigers here and there…
11. You will have many symptoms when you are sick, but you
can also get sick without symptoms, have symptoms without being sick, or be
contagious without having symptoms. Oh, my...
12. In order not to get sick, you have to eat well and
exercise, but eat whatever you have on hand and it's better not to go out,
well, but no…
13. It's better to get some fresh air, but you get looked at
very wrong when you get some fresh air, and most importantly, you don't go to
parks or walk. But don’t sit down, except that you can do that now if you are
old, but not for too long or if you are pregnant (but not too old).
14. You can't go to retirement homes, but you have to take
care of the elderly and bring food and medication.
15. If you are sick, you can't go out, but you can go to the
pharmacy.
16. You can get restaurant food delivered to the house,
which may have been prepared by people who didn't wear masks or gloves. But you
have to have your groceries decontaminated outside for 3 hours. Pizza too?
17. Every disturbing article or disturbing interview starts
with "I don't want to trigger panic, but…"
18. You can't see your older mother or grandmother, but you
can take a taxi and meet an older taxi driver.
19. You can walk around with a friend but not with your
family if they don't live under the same roof.
20. You are safe if you maintain the appropriate social
distance, but you can’t go out with friends or strangers at the safe social
distance.
21. The virus remains active on different surfaces for two
hours, no, four, no, six, no, we didn't say hours, maybe days? But it takes a
damp environment. Oh no, not necessarily.
22. The virus stays in the air - well no, or yes, maybe,
especially in a closed room, in one hour a sick person can infect ten, so if it
falls, all our children were already infected at school before it was closed.
But remember, if you stay at the recommended social distance, however in
certain circumstances you should maintain a greater distance, which, studies
show, the virus can travel further, maybe.
23. We count the number of deaths but we don't know how many
people are infected as we have only tested so far those who were "almost
dead" to find out if that's what they will die of…
24. We have no treatment, except that there may be one that
apparently is not dangerous unless you take too much (which is the case with
all medications).
25. We should stay locked up until the virus disappears, but
it will only disappear if we achieve collective immunity, so when it
circulates… but we must no longer be locked up for that?
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